NEW BLOG:Â POST-GAME PARENTING
Maddux is off to rough start at the plate.
This happens every year because he doesnât play any baseball between the end of Summer Camp in August and Little League Evaluations in January, and it always takes him a handful of games to get into the groove getting comfortable with his swing and facing live pitching again.
Heâs had less than 10 ABs in our 3 games so far, which is not a big enough sample size to call it a âslumpâ and to his credit, he hasnât shown any outward frustration whatsoever.
Despite the slow start, heâs hustled every minute, stayed positive, cheered for his teammates, and still had fun out there; all personality traits that I want him to have in lifeâŠlong after heâs done playing sports.
Super proud Dad about thatâŠGo Maddux!
That said, I know as a parent how hard it is to watch your kid struggle, how badly we want to help, and how easy it is for those good intentions to backfire.
Here are a few guidelines for after the game, especially when itâs been a tough one:
1) Do not bring up the game on the âCar Ride Home.â
No matter how badly we might want to talk about what went wrong or give our advice or replay a few key moments with them, unless they bring it up, say nothing. After the game is when their emotions are often the rawest and your advice, no matter how well-meaning or correct, will often only make them more upset.
They know when they had a bad game, they donât need you to remind them with a play-by-play recap. Nor will any instruction you give them be well-received when they are raw so itâs better for them if we say nothing rather than feed our own itch to talk about it. Itâs impossible for the brain to learn in highly emotional moments!
If they bring up anything about the game, then you should absolutely LISTEN, but the only thing you need to say in response isâŠ
2) âI LOVE WATCHING YOU PLAY.â
Countless studies on youth sports have proven that all kids want to hear is that our joy as parents is derived from watching them have fun playing with their friends, and not that our joy is connected to their performance on the field.
If youâre frustrated with them after a bad game, they can start to think that your love is conditional on their performance. Conversely, if your attitude after the game is consistent regardless of how they played, theyâll know youâve got their back no matter what and they wonât feel extra pressure in the next game to earn your approval.
If you ever find yourself unsure what to say after a game to an emotional ballplayer, just use that lineâŠand then go get ice cream!
3) Be their Mom or Dad, not their Coach.
During the game and directly after the game, just be their biggest fan, not their coach. Any mechanical adjustments you want to make to their swing or any advice you want to give about fielding groundballs or what pitches to swing at should wait until practice.
No coaching from the stands, and no coaching on the car ride home.
And if you are like me and are both Parent AND Coach at the same time, always try to be âParentâ first; youâll wear that hat forever. Either way though, this means you are going to need toâŠ
4) LET THEM FAIL.
Coaching is important, and god knows our kids have enough of that these days; I would argue they might even have too much coaching in many instances. Kids need the freedom to learn some things on their own and sometimes âfailingâ is the key to improving and achieving a deeper understanding of the game.
Editorâs Note:Â I have dedicated the last 20+ of my life to researching youth sports psychology and personally working with 25,000+ kids helping them fix their swings, refine their mechanics, and giving them the confidence to be successful. This is a daily practice for me, and itâs STILL INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT for me to stand in the 3rd base coachâs box and watch my own son struggle. It is even harder knowing I can 100% help him. And EVEN HARDER STILL to bite my tongue and say nothing in that moment, because I know my silence right then is whatâs best for him in the long run. I get it, the struggle is real, and I feel your pain!
ï»ż
ï»żIn Madduxâs case, I saw something with his swing that I tried to correct during our pre-season practices. He didnât listen to me (which is a major part of his job description as an 11-year-old đ) and then that mechanical mistake compounded with his early season adjustment period getting back into baseball and the results have not been a surprise; heâs struggled at the plate.
But by not over-coaching during the game, not talking mechanics with him on the car ride home, and by reminding him that I get excited for game day just because I love watching him do what he loves, something really cool happened on Saturday.
A few hours after we got home from the game, he came to me and said, âHey Dad, whatâs going on with my swing? Why am I not hitting it like I usually do?â
Boom.
We hopped in the cage, I gave him a couple of suggestions and things to try, and rather than our BP session feeling like a fight between us with me being right and him being wrong, we were on the same team; he was receptive to the instruction, made the adjustments, and now is feeling confident heading into our game this afternoon. The learning and improvement was self-directed, and the fact that he initiated meant that he is taking ownership of, and responsibility for, both his struggles and his adjustments. Being a good hitter is HIS goal and putting in the extra work was HIS idea.
More hits are coming soon for him, I have no doubt about that, but FAR more important than his Little League batting average, our relationship as father and son is as strong as ever because I didnât let my frustration at him not listening to me or his underwhelming game performance affect what is the most valuable part of Little League; getting to spend quality time with my son sharing our love of baseball together.
Iâd much rather him bat .100 this season and have a healthy relationship with him, than him bat .800 and have there be constant tension between us.
Iâm guessing you feel the same way. Follows these guidelines and you maximize your chances for achieving both: a great relationship with your child AND a successful season in the stat book.
PLAY HARD, HAVE FUN!