This is a term that has become a catch-all for lots of different types of unhealthy coaching attitudes at the youth levels and a recent situation that happened to a buddy of mine’s club team perfectly exemplified the most common version of “win at all costs” and this inspired today’s blog.
When you hear “win-at-all-costs” maybe you think of a coach who yells and screams at his players nonstop because he thinks that leads to more winning (it doesn’t).
Or maybe you think of a coach who chooses to sit less skilled or more inexperienced players on the bench for entire games in order to maximize his chances of winning. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard of a family spending 4 days at a tournament in Palm Springs (or “fill in the blank” destination many hours away), only to have their kid play 1 inning a game in LF and bat last (or not at all!) because the club coach cared about winning above all else. It’s hard to get better or develop skills (or have fun) when you don’t get to play!
Or perhaps you think of a coach who cheats by allowing his players to secretly use illegal “rolled” bats (yes, unbelievably, this is a thing now).
Or perhaps you think of a coach who intentionally enters his team in a lower-skilled bracket in a tournament in order to win every game 20-0 (this happened all the time when my wife was coaching competitive middle and high school lacrosse).
But the far more common “win-at-all-costs” coach is one who is constantly trying to find loopholes to bend the rules in his favor, minimizing both the experience and the development of all the kids on the field – and degrading the experience for everyone who has to witness each cringe-worthy coach action from the stands.
Here’s what happened over the weekend at a travel ball game.
(Warning, I’m coming hot with this one so buckle up!)
The score was 6-1 heading into the last inning and my friend’s team started mounting a comeback, closing the gap to 6-3 and putting runners on 1st and 3rd with nobody out.
At this point, the win-at-all-cost travel coach (I should mention that the boys playing are 10U so obviously this was a REALLY important game), started calling timeout after timeout in order to stall so that the “game clock” would run out and the score would revert to the previous inning, securing his team the win without having to finish the last inning, potentially risking a loss.
I’ll just say what should be obvious…that’s not the behavior of a winner, that’s the behavior of a loser.
The stalling strategy “worked” and by exploiting the rules this adult secured the win for his squad of 9 and 10 year olds. Congrats, buddy, you’re a real hero. That big league job you think you’re auditioning for is right around the corner for you.
All snark aside…here’s what was lost in this situation:
First, the kids were no longer the focus of the experience. That coach made the game entirely about him and his desire to win, no matter what it cost the kids.
It’s called youth sports, not adult coaching.
Clearly, his priorities are backwards, to say it as nicely as possible.
The kids on both teams were left standing around while the coach called multiple timeouts. The fans (parents) who had sacrificed their weekend and driven hours to be at the game were now not watching their kids compete, instead they were watching the coach run out the clock, intentionally PREVENTING the kids from playing. And then after the game, the conversation focused entirely on the coach’s behavior, not the kids’ play.
Next, the kids had their opportunity to play stolen from them. What’s the #1 reason kids say they play sports? It’s to “have fun.” But instead of having fun playing, these kids were forced to stand around doing literally nothing, while this adult robbed them of their main source of joy, intentionally.
Then, BOTH teams were denied an extremely valuable learning opportunity.
For the hitting team, they lost the opportunity to try to complete their comeback. Learning how to battle back is a crucial skill that all athletes need to learn. The life lessons of resilience and grit, for trying really hard and sometimes still coming up short, the rally caps, the cheers, the digging deep…all the things we LOVE about sports and that make playing in close games some of the most fun and memorable experiences for youth athletes…by stalling, this loser coach robbed the team of the chance to experience all of those valuable things.
He also robbed his own team of the opportunity to learn how to battle in the face of adversity.
Rather than find out if his kids could handle the adversity of holding a late lead and playing defense in a challenging situation in the last inning, again a crucial skill for all athletes to learn, he robbed them of that opportunity. Those kids learned nothing about themselves (except maybe that their coach didn’t trust them to hold onto the lead) and gained no valuable experiences or lessons for the next time they are in a similar situation.
Ultimately, that coach showed what he really thought of his team; he didn’t think his players were good enough to win on their own and that he wasn’t a good enough coach to get them the win without exploiting a loophole in the rules.
So while his post-game speech might have been upbeat about the result on the scoreboard and the parents on the team might have told him “congrats on the win” in the parking lot, by using the clock to make sure his team didn’t have to get 3 tough outs in the last inning, the message he was really conveying to his players and parents is “I don’t think this team is good enough to win close games and I don’t think I’m good enough as a coach to win close games.”
“When the going gets tough, make sure to find a way to weasel out of it” is not the mantra of winning players, coaches, or organizations.
That’s the attitude of losers…in sports and in life.
Here’s the flipside of that attitude.
In Maddux’s Major championship game this past season, our team was winning 3-1 in the 5th inning, facing the heart of our opponent’s lineup.
One of their players hit a double, so with 1 out and a runner on 2nd, RHLL’s 2026 12-year-old homerun king stepped to the plate.
Obviously the “baseball” play in this situation with 1st base open would have been to intentionally walk the 12-year-old with 15 homeruns on the season. I know that, you know that, people that barely know basic baseball strategy know that.
The chance our coaching staff was going to intentionally walk him? Zero.
And here’s why…besides the fact that I would never be able to look myself in the mirror again if I intentionally walked a child because I wanted to win a Little League that badly.
I wanted my team to learn how to battle in one of the most pressure-filled situations you can find in Little League; late innings of a close Championship game.
They were going to learn so much more about themselves, win or lose, by getting the opportunity to truly compete than they were from their adult coach micro-managing the game like it was Game 7 of the World Series in order to intentionally avoid adversity.
I also wanted to give the batter an opportunity to be a hero. He might have been the alpha 12-year-old with 15 homeruns on the opposing team, but he was still just a kid in our Little League playing baseball…and what an incredible moment it would have been for him to hit a game-tying homerun late in his final game as a Little Leaguer.
By choosing to pitch to him rather than walk him, there would be a win/win outcome for all the kids on the field regardless of what happened in that at bat.
Either he would be the hero and my team would have to learn how to respond in the next inning having relinquished the lead (not only making this game more exciting but also giving them invaluable experience for the next time they were in a similar situation) OR my team would come out on top learning not to back down from tough situations and that they were good enough to step up a big challenge rather than shy away from it.
And if we did get him out and held on to the lead, their team would get to try to mount another comeback in the last inning…an additional valuable learning experience.
The message I sent my team was “I believe in you.”
The message the travel ball coach sent his team was “I don’t believe in you.”
The message I sent was “the learning experience of competing is the most important thing” at this age.
The message the travel coach sent was “winning no matter what is the most important thing to me.”
The kids on the travel team might not realize what their coach actually thinks about them, but they will someday. Honestly, the parents on that team might not have realized what their coach, through his win-at-all-cost actions, was actually saying about their kids. I hope they do though so they can look elsewhere for a better baseball experience next Fall.
The irony should not be lost on us when club organizations (in all sports) claim to cater to “elite players focused on development” in their marketing, only to then intentionally rob them of developmental opportunities while simultaneously coaching them like they are not elite…all in order to win a meaningless fall baseball game.
A coach who truly thought he had a team of elite players would coach them like elite players and allow them to battle with any team, anywhere, anytime…not immediately hide behind game clock rules as soon as the going gets tough.
And maybe the worst part of this whole situation; it’s entirely possible that his group of kids were up to the challenge! Maybe they did have enough grit to battle through a pressure-packed final inning and get those final 3 difficult outs. But now they’ll never know. That coach put a ceiling on those kid’s abilities, before they even had the opportunity to prove what they were made of.
I’m always rooting for all the kids on the field and get angry and sad when adults rob them of their opportunities to experience everything (both the highs and lows) that youth sports can teach.
And while it’s no secret how I feel about programs and coaches like this, unfortunately this type of loser behavior is not limited to travel ball.
A coach in my daughter’s 8U division at PVGSL ago did the same timeout/stalling nonsense in every single game we played against him.
A coach in my son’s PVYBL division a couple years ago intentionally yelled the wrong clock countdown time at a 10 year old on the other team in order to make the child rush a half-court heave even though there was more time for him to find a better shot, guaranteeing his team the win (without giving that kid a chance to be the hero or his defense a chance to come up with a game-saving stop).
I know of coaches in Minors of Little League stalling in the last inning hoping that the ump would call the game due to darkness or time.
To all 3 rec league’s credit, they did not allow those coaches back the following season. Kudos to them.
I doubt the same will be done about this travel coach; in fact, his organization might give him a raise for helping his team grab that all-important “winners photo” for the company IG page because it’s “good for business!”
The silver lining to all this is that in today’s youth sports world, there are tons of places for your child to play. It’s not easy to find quality organizations that hire great coaches who do things the right away, but it’s definitely easy to spot the bad ones, if you know what to look for.
I am incredibly selective at Spring Training to only hire coaches who believe strongly in developing character, can teach the foundational skills, create environments where athletes get to find out what they are capable of, and intentionally weave life lessons into every practice, lesson, and game. Having great coaches who can develop the whole human, not just the athlete, is at the core everything I stand for.
If you witness adult behavior that doesn’t align with your values, see environments that you don’t want your kid to be around, or feel like the coaches are in it for their own selfish reasons, you can always leave!
And if you find an organization that truly cares about developing athlete’s skills and character by coaching with integrity and treating kids the right way at all times (and yes, there are some clubs in all sports who do a good job of this, but they are unfortunately the exception in my opinion), then continue to support them!
Us parents, and I include myself as a fellow youth sports “customer” on behalf of my own 2 kids, have the power to promote our family values and affect youth sports change locally by being selective with what organizations we choose to support.
Let’s make sure we use that power that wisely…PLAY HARD, HAVE FUN!
PLAY HARD, HAVE FUN!